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Adoption Book ReviewAdoption newsletter - adoption book reviews, author interviews and adoption book news. |
ADOPTION BOOK REVIEW NEWSLETTER
Sample Issue
October 2001Welcome to the first edition of the Adoption Book Review Newsletter. Over the next months, a number of authors will be sharing some of their thoughts with you on adoption and parenting. I hope you enjoy these interviews and reviews, as much as I have enjoyed reading old treasures and discovering new gems.
Allison Martin
http://www.comeunity.com/newsletter.html-------------------------
BOOK REVIEWS
-------------------------SINGLE MOTHERS BY CHOICE
By Jane MattesSingle Mothers by Choice provides a thoughtful and experienced introduction to the issues of single parenting for women without partners who are considering motherhood. In 1981, author Jane Mattes founded the national group Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) as an outgrowth of her personal decision process of becoming a mother. Today, SMC provides local groups and workshops, an interesting monthly newsletter and several online discussion lists. This experience, and Jane Mattes' background as both a psychotherapist and single mother, makes Single Mothers by Choice an excellent guide to the psychological issues of becoming a single mother.
Although single motherhood has increased dramatically over the years there are still a number of social and legal implications facing single mothers today. Single Mothers by Choice briefly discusses the changing reaction of society to single mothers over the years and then digs into the personal decisions and issues you will face as a single parent. The most important discussion in Single Mothers by Choice is the detailed analysis of what Jane Mattes calls "The Daddy Issue." This excellent section is well worth the cost of the book. It provides a thoughtful look at topics such as how to answer your child's questions at various life stages, including men in your child's life, and alternatives to the psychological aspects of fatherhood and husbands. In sum, Single Mothers by Choice is an excellent guide for women in the process of making a decision about single motherhood. (Allison Martin 10/01)
Full book review
http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/books/bksinglemothers.html
Go to Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0812922468/preeclotguid-20
-----------------------------------------------------VOICES FROM ANOTHER PLACE
Collection of Works from a Generation Born in Korea and Adopted to Other Countries
Editor Susan Soon-Keum CoxVoices from Another Place is a marvelous collection of autobiographical stories, poems and artwork by adult Korena adoptees about their adoption experience. These articulate men and women share their feelings and their journeys as transracial and transcultural adoptees in their writings and art - from childhood to the present. This is the best book on the experiences of Asian American adoptees available, and I recommend it to anyone interested in transcultural or transracial adoption and families.
The mesh of individuality and creativity of the human spirit shown in this book will catch you by surprise and admiration. Most of the writers and artists who contributed to Voices were adopted from Korea in the 70's and 80's, and are now in their 20's and 30's. Many were adopted as infants, however a surprising number were older and retain intriguing memories of their childhood in Korea.
Important themes resonate through the book - the duality of the being Asian American, growing up as one of the few Asians in the area, revisiting Korea, feelings about birthparents, love and respect for family, life as a journey of exploration, and an general attitude of success. Attitudes toward Asian culture and adoption ranging from ambivalence to acceptance to rejection (often depending on lifestage and personality). This book will leave you feeling thougthful and optimistic about the adoption experience and about the incredible value that these "children" offer to the world.
Adoption agencies and adoptive parents should place this remarkable book in their recommended reading lists. Read it for pleasure and to broaden your own depth of understanding of the adoption experience. (Allison Martin 10/01)
Read full review
http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/bkvoices.html
Go to Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0963847244/preeclotguid-20--------------------------------------
ADOPTION BOOK NEWS
---------------------------------------New book on attachment to be available in spring from Perspectives Press, Inc.
Attaching in Adoption by Deborah L. Gray
http://www.perspectivespress.comNow available in paperback.
Adoption Nation by Adam Pertman
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0465056512/preeclotguid-20-----------------------------------
AUTHOR INTERVIEWS
-----------------------------------CREATING CEREMONIES
Innovative Ways to Meet Adoption ChallengesInterview with Rhea K Bufferd and Cheryl Lieberman, co-authors of Creating Ceremonies, a book about creating rituals for adopted children.
Question: How can parents assist their older child with self esteem and security issues?
Rhea Bufferd: The best way that parents can deal with most any difficult issue is to confront it head on and not let it go unattended where it can affect their child's behavior or even physical well-being. Older adopted children who fear for their security need to know that their parents understand their worries and can be reassuring to them. As an adoptive parent to an older child, one has to assume that regardless of whether or not their child voices these concerns, their child has them and needs assurances of safety and security. Since this is such a universal issue for adopted children, Cheri has written many ceremonies that can help.
Issues of self-esteem are closely tied to adoption. Children tend to see themselves as the cause of each separation from biological, foster or adoptive family. As they internalize this negative view of themselves, they collect evidence to support it with difficult behavior and the punishment that follows. Parents need to step aside from their intense feelings, objectively consider what is really going on with their child and deal with these underlying issues so as not to perpetuate their child's negative self image. Ceremonies are an excellent way to do this.
Cheryl Lieberman: If the focus of the ceremony was on what my child needed, there was a high level of success. If the emphasis was on what I needed, then they usually didn't work. When you do them with your children, they have to be geared to the children themselves - what kinds of issues are coming up for them or issues you believe they have but aren't talking about.
I went to a training session and a little boy was talking about divided loyalty between his birth mother and adoptive mother. As soon as he started to love the adoptive mother, he felt disloyal to the birth mother. So he started to act up at home because he was loving the adoptive mom so much he was afraid he was disloyal to his birth mother. He was close in age to one of my kids so that I thought this was probably an issue for them too, even though they couldn't articulate it that clearly. I designed a ceremony called "There is Plenty of Room in a Heart." The key part of it was we all had to draw a heart and put in it the names of people that we loved. We had to remember that a heart is multidimensional and a piece of paper is one dimensional. They had to put both mothers in their heart and I had to put both of them and their birth parents in my heart. I knew they would run out of people before they ran out of room. I said, "Now lets look at these hearts. What do you see? So if mother can love more than one child, a child can love more than one mother."
My younger son Chris is almost 18 now and about six months ago we were discussing some unresolved issue with Rhea and as he was talking out loud trying to make sense of it he said, "You know there is plenty of room in a heart." I thought, "Wow, look at how that stayed with him."
(Allison Martin10/ 2001)Read the rest of the interview:
http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/adopt/interview-ceremonies.html
Read review of the book:
http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/books/bkcreating.html
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ADOPTION BOOK REVIEW NEWSLETTER
http://www.comeunity.com/newsletter.html
Allison Martin Copyright October 2001. All rights retained.
For reprint permission write to 5martin@bellsouth.net
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------Comeunity - Parenting Support for Unique Families (Adoption & Special Needs)
http://www.comeunity.com
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COMEUNITY http://www.comeunity.com
